Being Fake Is Something I Hate To Do..
Sadly I Am Nearly 75% Of The Time Fake..
As In The Way I Act..
Being This Bimbotic Bitchy Person Is Not Something I Truely Am..
The Real Me Is Someone Not Seen By Many..
But Maybe Those Who Knew Me In Sec One Would Know What I Mean..
But Sadly I Cant Help It..
No Matter How Much I Try..
My Body Cant Help But Go Into My Alter Ego State Whenever I Leave The House..
The Straight Back,Blinking Eyes,Bitchy Glare And Of Course Model Walk Is Something That Honestly Pains My Body The Fake Laugh And Smile Is Just Plain Creepy..
The Straight Back Gives Me A Back Ache,
The Blinking Eyes Are Just Ridiculous,
The Bitch Glare Just Makes My Face Ache,
The Model Walk Just Gives A Wrong Impression..
It Sucks Not Being Able To My True Self..
Cause It Will Be A Shock To Many..
People Expect Me To Walk Into School Looking Like A Drag Queen Only To Be Made Fun Of..
Something I Have Had To Develop A Thick Skin For..
Which Is Why Till This Day I Actually Have A Very Low Self Esteem..
You See..
I Worry Too Much About What People Think About Me..
Which Is Why I Started Acting Like That In The 1st Place..
I Didnt Want To Be Precieve As This Big Meanie..
I Mean I Was Big..
So I Developed This Idea Of Becoming More Gentle..
But I Became A 'Wannabe Model'/Drag Queen/Bimbo Of The Year..
Maybe Being Unglam Is Better Then Being Unreal..
But I Cant Seem To Tell My Mind That..
I Am Honestly Done Pretending To Be This 'Wannabe Model'
I Dont Want People To Think Of Me As This Person Who Does Not Have A Brain Or A Heart..
Cause I Honestly Do, But Nobody Sees It..
I Have Already Lost Half My Life Just Trying To Fit In..
Maybe Its Time I Start Being
Me For Once..
Easier Said That Done Actually..
You See The True Me Only Appears At Night..
I Can Tell Cause I Stop Blinking My Eyes Every One Second..
My Voice Gets More Deep..
I Actually Start Reviewing What I Have Done The Whole Day And Think What An Idiot What I Was On That Day..
I Get Into My Baggy Clothes And Just Block Myself From The World..
And I Stop Giving A Hoot About What Anyone Thinks About Me..
And I Actually Start Using My Brain To Think..
+ The Real Me Giggles And Does Not Laugh Like A Hyena Like I Do In School..
It Is During That Period Whereby I Will Tell Myself Not To Do Anything Dumb The Next Day..
Sadly When The Next Day Comes, I Go Back To Square One..
I Wish For The Day Where I Can Go Back To Being The Rahul Which First Walked Thru The Gates Of Gmss Wanting To Start Life A Fresh..
Sadly The True Me Will Never Reveal Itself Beyond This Four Walls..
So, It Is Only A Dream I Can Only Dream Of..
So Like I Went Back For Band On Saturday..
And I Honestly Better Start Practising If I Want To Go Back To My Prime Mode..
Lunch With Alvin,Jia Yi And Hui Ting :)
Saw Hsin Wei :D
Skipped David's Engagement..
I Was Just Too Tired To Do Anything..
So I Continued Writing My Book..
Have Decided To Call It The Forbidden Love :)
Was Like Giggling And Just Smiling Thinking Of ******
Its Weird Cause In My Head Whenever I Think Of ******
I See Myself As The Real Me And Not This She-male Walking Around..
So Yes 6 Days In A Row Filled With Happines And Good Days :)
Plans For Sunday Do The Algebra Paper One Qns In The TYS
Withdraw 25 Dollars To Pay Mdm Eng Tommorow( Very Imp)
Grocery Shopping..
Wax My Legs :)
And Be Happy And Smile :)
Rahul..xoxo
